[ you are my sunshine; my only sunshine . )

Sitting in my bedroom,
Not knowing what to do,
So, I decided to write down all my feelings,
And make it a poem- from me to you.

'Cause when I'm with you,
I never feel any pain,
All I have to do is see your smile,
And then I'm happy again.

I don't see you every day,
But that's the way it's gotta be.
Just knowing you are there
Is good enough for me.

I will hug you when you're ill,
I will hug you when you've cried,
I will help you through the hardest times,
Without even a sigh.

You're always on my mind,
No matter what I do,
Wherever I go,
Whatever I see...
It always leads back to you.

I hope you will enjoy
the new beginning of our journey
I know it sounds cheesy,
But I will always and truly love you.

Monday, June 25, 2007

To girl A: We used to be kinda close to each other at one time. But few days ago when I finally saw her after a couple of months, things felt so different. That feeling was still within me like an aura, as though we were connected. Was it a pity that I gave her up once? I know that she's decent from the start, I still hold on to this belief despite all the negative comments shooting at her. I hope we could go out again, just the both of us. I seriously didn't mind her friends tagging along the other time but I would prefer it to be just us.

To girl B: I don't understand how I ended up in your ignore list all of a sudden. I still can't accept it. What wrong have I done? Is it because I happen to be a buddy of him? I thought you were willing NOT to allow that to affect us? Why has things come to this way now? I mentioned it before that you got qualities of a true friend and I hope you can help me make this dream come true. PLEASE....I hope you're reading this and if you are, I've e-mailed you my new contact number. Drop me a msg pls... I'll be waiting.

I can't use their real names for fear of implicating matters into more serious issues.

A couple of days ago I was feeling super down out of the blue. I suddenly felt lousy. Felt like as though nothing has ever gone smoothly for me in life. Is this feeling true? Am I wasting my life away doing non-beneficial things everyday? My daily routines are pretty fixed. School on weekdays and work on weekends. I guess I'm sick of this routine? But what can I do? School is a MUST. Work is also a must. I admit I'm damn sick of working. But I have to work to keep up with my expenses. I eat and drink(not referring to alcohol) alot! Not including entertainment, my daily expenses can add up to $20-$30 a day. I have cut down on entertainment ALOT. It's been donkey months since I entered a club. I'm sick of hearing stories from my friends about their experiences in clubs. I miss the fun of clubbing, even if I end up making a fool out of myself. It's all about fun. On weekdays, I have to endure with the long school hours. On weekends, I have to endure with the long working hours. Average number of hours I work ONE day on the weekend is 15. It's fucking tiring. I'm running out of motivations to keep me working hard. Usually once I pass the 9 hour mark, it'll be total endurance from then on. Mentally and physically tired. Where do I get the energy from? Heaven knows. And of course when I'm so worned out, I tend to do my work with less quality and end up getting fucked by the managers. I don't enjoy all that!

Why am I not enjoying it? My pay would always be spent away in a spoof. This makes me feel useless cos I got no savings. Each time I start to save up, I get BORED cos I'll be rotting at home and not going out. Even with my current pay I'm not able to do things that I WANT. So what if I earn $100 a day? That money is so HARD earned till I can't bear to spend it at all. I don't even know how it gets spent in the end. So once it gets spent, I'll feel lousy. Feel like as though all the effort, sweat and endurance that I put in during work has all gone to waste.

My conscience isn't clear about many many things too. Enough for now...

oh-so-bright.