[ you are my sunshine; my only sunshine . )

Sitting in my bedroom,
Not knowing what to do,
So, I decided to write down all my feelings,
And make it a poem- from me to you.

'Cause when I'm with you,
I never feel any pain,
All I have to do is see your smile,
And then I'm happy again.

I don't see you every day,
But that's the way it's gotta be.
Just knowing you are there
Is good enough for me.

I will hug you when you're ill,
I will hug you when you've cried,
I will help you through the hardest times,
Without even a sigh.

You're always on my mind,
No matter what I do,
Wherever I go,
Whatever I see...
It always leads back to you.

I hope you will enjoy
the new beginning of our journey
I know it sounds cheesy,
But I will always and truly love you.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I decided to look for my Course Manager(CM) just now, hoping that I could be un-debarred from my exam. I waited half an hour outside the staff room. A lady then came out and told me to go in. I looked into his office and saw 2 people inside so I waited outside. A couple of minutes later, one of the lecturer told me to go in. Omg, I didn't expect to be talking to TWO people. I felt so pressured but I told myself I have to get things done.

Me: I know my attendance is bad but I really hope I can be given a 2nd chance.

CM: Every student comes in and tell me the same thing. I've seen your record and you've accumulated at least 20 warning letters. This semester alone, you got at least 10.

Me: I regret not attending lessons. But I really want to sit for my main exam else my GPA will be affected. I want my GPA to shoot up again this semester.

CM: Yes, from your records I can see you're improving especially in your Di-Fund. From a grade F, you got a B+. I can tell that you are those type who are capable of good grades. But I just can't understand why you are always skipping lessons. In fact, you could have been banned from taking the main paper for another subject.

He went on lecturing me for half an hour. There was no way I could talk my way out of it cos clearly, I'm at fault. It would be pointless if I were to tell him about my personal life problems. I remember Albert told me something the other day...

Albert: When you're in NS, your gf breaks up with you. You decide not to go for duty because you're tramautised by what happened. Do you think your Sergeant will care a fuck about your personal problem? He'll fuck you upside down instead.

Same theory. I failed to not allow personal problems get involved with my studies. As I left the office, I felt very remoursed. I was doing alot of self-reflections. It has been so long since I been lectured. This made me realise the huge change in me. Time to wake up doob...

Sigh, dear....I'm missing you so much. I need a hug from you badly... Last night I couldn't control my tears before I sleep, I cried a little. I can't get over you....and when I cant, I'm unable to focus on my priorities. I'm a weak lonely Ridhwan w/o you around. Sigh.. :`(

oh-so-bright.