[ you are my sunshine; my only sunshine . )

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Could only clock 3 hours of sleep last night. Went out with Kenneth and company to celebrate his birthday. I'm sooooooo tired now. Been out the whole day and I still can't sleep yet. My online game tournament is starting in an hour. 2am Singapore time! Lucky Americans/Europeans... they get to play at 11am. And this tournament is gonna stretch for a whole week. It's my study week next week. So should I focus on tournament or studies? Of course studies la =D Erm... and a BIT of tournament can?

People, I know I look better with MORE hair.....at least I still got hair ok! And I don't look that ugly with my super short hair. Give them time to grow....3 months at least. Some say I shouldn't have cut my Mohawk off. But what's done cannot be undone. I don't know whether I regret cutting the Mohawk off cos I'm feeling comfortable with my current hairstyle. I only regret cutting my hair into the Mohawk hairstyle! Cost me a bomb and made me go through alot of silly comments made by some baboons. You know who you are!

Just to make some things clear in case people start to get suspicious. I have no feelings for anyone! Not now....not ever. Even when I have close relationships with some people, it doesn't mean I got feelings for them. I'm just socialising.

Dear, past few days I've witnessed a series of disturbing scenes. Saw couples being lovey-dovey, quarreling, fighting etc. The past would just swarmed back and it makes me miss you so much more. I can't wait for my exams to end. There is a whole tank of tears waiting to pour out of me. I wanna go sit down by the beach, the place where we would always sit to enjoy the beauty of nature. I wanna go to the exact same spot to break down. Haiz....

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

For the whole of today, I just couldn't stop thinking of you. I really wanna start all over again but I just shouldn't. If only you meet up to my expectations, If only I could be stronger, If only, If only, If only........Sigh.Time, I need you to move faster. Letting her go isn't easy cos I know I need to let go though I don't want to. This is such a struggle. Cognitive versus Heart. I want out of this struggle asap..

Loving you always,
Ridhwan
(R & T 1314)

Sunday, June 18, 2006

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever
Oh, so clearly I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Dear, I still remember those times when I would sing this song to you. Tears will automatically roll down my cheeks. Each time I sing it to you, every word that is mentioned....I mean it. Right now, the words are getting more and more true. It's like a living nightmare for me. Speaking about nightmare, I've not been sleeping well for the past few nights. I either went without sleep or just have a 2-3 hours nap. I been having terrible nightmares about you being with another guy. I'm so fearful of this nightmares. Even as I walk down Orchard Road, I'm so scared of bumping into you with another guy. I'm not able to let you go. I can't, I just can't. I seriously have no mood for anything. No matter where I go or whatever I do, you just wouldn't fail to be in my mind. My heart is missing you so much. I'm feeling so tired now but I dare not go to sleep. I'm living on coffee and red bull to keep myself awake and energised. I can feel that my health is deteriorating. I've not smoked for a week either. I'm so lucky I'm not addicted to it. I can live without cigarettes but I cannot live without you.

Come back to me will you? But I would need strength to start afresh. I would need to see a different you. I don't wanna go through this process of letting go. I can't!

Loving you always,
Ridhwan
(R & T 1314)

oh-so-bright.