Tuesday, September 15, 2009
My birthday is fast approaching. I'm not looking forward to it because it reminds me of one thing and one thing only. She gave me a ring for my 21st birthday last year and I've faithfully worn it since then. Before I leave house, I'll make sure I have the ring on. I know I'm naive, I decided to let go but my actions are sho
wing otherwise.
That's Fannie and Sunnie. Willl I be able to spend my birthday with them?
oh-so-
Monday, August 24, 2009
Happy fucking 21st birthday and thanks for leaving me out.Congrats on having a bf and thanks for keeping me in the dark, BUDDY.
B.i.t.c.h.e.s
oh-so-
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Love indeed makes one blind and dumb. This eventually leads to emotional distortion and I wish I could go into a recluse but I can't. See how blind I am..1) 8 months ago, ditch me for another guy. So what was my response? W-a-i-t. I could NOT contact her at all, she was happily with another guy. But I still w-a-i-t-e-d like an idiot.
2) 8 months later, she finally msg me. I wasnt exactly happy cos I was numb already and had alot of doubts abt her.
Examples of her sms-es:
- When I recount our sweet memories we have together, I felt so dumb & silly for losing you. I'm not going to ask you back when I know I'm not good enough for you.
- If you think that this few months I'm not suffering then you're wrong. I did the greatest mistake for wanting to give up. But you still feel insecure about me. If we don't change, same thing might happen again. You never know it's your turn to hurt me.
- I eventually know that you're the one for me. But it's not important, just move on without me. It might be better.
- I'm able to commit now but don't know with who. I only have you in my mind.
- How do you I've not changed? Do you think I need to bounce back to you? I just feel that something could have been done to make us feel better.
- I need someone by my side but I'm not sure whether it's you at times. There's only you in my heart.
As we exchanged sms-es, I kept telling her that she has been in my heart all this while. If I wasn't serious about her, I would have given up long ago. I was keen in waiting for her to get over her past and I need time to feel secure. BUT if she chooses to keep her options open, doesnt this put me in the situation I was in 8 months ago? Talk so much about wanting me back, empty words. Past weeks I been in a real dilemma whether to give up. God helped me make up my mind when I bumped into her with another guy at Suntec. 2nd time I saw her with him.
Bottom line is, I'm moving on WITHOUT her. My heart is using brute force to let her go. It hurts hell alot and this is gonna be an arduous journey. Hope to see light at the other side of the tunnel soon.
oh-so-
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I'm emotional again, as usual. It took alot of brain cells to decide whether to meet her or not. I told myself and my friends, NO I shall not meet her. I have too many insecurities and doubts about her. But deep deep DEEP inside, I miss her so bad and waited so long to see her again. That night, I couldnt help it. I asked her out and we met up. The only place I wanna go with her is ECP. Past months I been going there with different people to accompany me so I could feel the sweet memories I once shared with her. Overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions as I sat with her by the beach. I controlled my tears, noticing you doing the same.I'm confused, totally confused. You regret "dumping" me 8 months ago, claiming that was a big mistake. You want me back but fear you aint good enough for me. I'm the only one in your heart, nobody else. Hearing you say all this things make me feel the true happiness I long been yearning for. I THOUGHT we could start off slowly and start afresh. I felt bad for telling her I aint ready to accept her. I have my own share of fears too, fear of being a spare tyre, a safe harbour etc. Past 8 months has proven that my heart only wants you else I would have given up long ago. A couple of days later, you told me you're keeping your options open even though I'm the one you want. Wtf is this? You're turning my fears into a living nightmare. I'm at a loss of what to do now..
oh-so-
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I just returned from my NDP rehearsal, super exhausted. Each rehearsal is getting harder and harder. What is pissing me off is that my officer wants to put me to Rota Shift, which means 1 day work 2 days off. What if I got NDP rehearsal after my 24 hr duty? That means I'm working a total of 34 hrs!
oh-so-
Monday, March 23, 2009
There's been a hidden disappointment kept inside me for a long time. I still can't swallow the fact that I went out of course from ERS. If I had stayed on, I would be graduating this 1st April. 6 months of hell over. Not many get the chance to get into this course yet I choose to drop out after 5 weeks. Should I use the word drop out or pussy-ed out? I've never thought of becoming a firefighter but when I was given the chance 6 months ago, I got excited over it. The training isnt as easy as it seems but it can be done! Hundreds have made it through. I ever thought of going through the course again. But I'm not confident. I'm bound to faint due to the heat again. Where am I gonna summon all the strength I need? What makes me feel like a loser is that, my batch has a GIRL in it. She made it through all the hell-training despite fainting and hospitalised. Argh...12Oct and still counting... Where are you?
oh-so-
Friday, March 06, 2009
- = F a n n i e = -
oh-so-
